Maintaining a Fulfilling Sex Life

The psychological and physical effects of having HIV can result in a temporary or sustained loss of interest in sex. Some men are unconcerned by this change and consider having a wank is enough. For others, sexuality is a huge part of who they are.

There is a direct relationship between how we see ourselves and our ability to function sexually. If you feel infectious or unattractive because of your status then your sex life may suffer. Many people with HIV have found specialised counselling in this area useful. Others find that by talking with friends and sharing their concerns they find they are not alone and the problem doesn’t seem so huge.

If your appearance has changed through medication or illness, you can look at it two ways: accept the changes and find people who like you because you like yourself; or exercise and pay attention to diet. Body image within the gay community is often more ideal than real, however many positive men have found exercise makes them feel and look better.

There is also increasing evidence about the importance of exercise, diet and stopping smoking in reducing the risks of developing cardiovascular disease, diabetes and osteoporosis.

HIV can have physical effects that may affect your sex drive, like reduced testosterone levels. Testosterone therapy is available – talk to your doctor.

While often taken for the opposite effect, recreational drugs (crystal, for example) can have an adverse effect on sexual arousal and performance (see Treatments, Drugs and Sex). So too can some prescribed antidepressants. Some people with HIV report that certain treatments hamper their sex drives. Changing HIV medication may be an option.

There are medical treatments that can sometimes assist when sexual performance is affected for physical reasons. Some gay men who have trouble staying hard when using condoms find these can make it easier to stick to safe sex. Viagra, Levitra and Cialis are ‘erectile dysfunction’ drugs. There can be dangerous interactions between these drugs and some HIV drugs (see Treatments, Drugs and Sex).

Most people go through periods in their lives when sex is less or more important. So, if you are happy with your current sex life (or lack of it) then, fine. If you are not, then consider some of the options above.